Random Outlaw

The Mythical Visa

My sister C is in a long term relationship with her boyfriend J.  They met four years ago while C was living in Australia.  J is finishing his term in the Australian army, then they will be moving in together.

Their ultimate goal is for both of them to move back to Australia and live there permanently.  Unfortunately C was deported from Australia due to visa issues while she was attending college there.  She is currently on a three year ban from entering Australia and of course this will affect her ability to immigrate there long term.  Spousal visas are notoriously hard to get in Australia and if they are denied there is no appeal process.

The interim plan is for J to move here to the US.  He's going back to Australia to work for 6 months and then he wants to move here to live with C.  During the entire Thanksgiving visit C and J were waxing rhapsodic about this mythical work visa that J was going to get so he could move here.  In 6 months.  With no job offer.  To complicate things further, J does not have a college degree.   They might as well have been planning for J to immigrate to the US on the back of a unicorn.

Every time they started talking I had to refrain from poking myself in the eye with the nearest sharp instrument.  I have no idea why C is so against getting married, but bottom line, that is J's ticket to living and working here.  It's just not going to happen any other way.  People have tried to get around it, and they always end up getting married because it is the sure thing.   Thing is, it's none of my business.  I don't want them to get married if they don't want to get married.  However, the reality of the situation is that he does not have any legal status here without her, and vice versa for her in Australia. 

Having been through the whole marriage based visa hell with R back in the day, I was ambivalent about ruining their starry-eyed dreams  In the end though, I just couldn't hold back any longer.  I encouraged them to go ahead and apply for a fiance visa for J before he left to go back to Australia.  They take 8 or so months to process, and I didn't want them to be relying on a mythical visa when they could rely on an actual visa.  I pointed out that they didn't even have to use the thing, it was flexible, and he could come in and then leave again if that's what he wanted to do... but they needed to apply for it.

I hope it makes a difference for them in the long run.

My Mom Got A Job!!!!

My mom got a job! My mom got a job!  We are all so very excited.

She will be teaching 8th grade English in a middle school in Very Posh Town about 20 miles from where she lives.  It's about a 30 minute drive.  We kind of had a suspicion that this was the job for her for several reasons.  First, they called her for an interview (she didn't apply for the position), then right after the interview the principal called her and said, "We were really impressed with you.  We're having trouble reaching some of your references.  Can you help us out?"   I took that as a very, very good sign.  Instead of just forgetting Mom, they called and asked for help when they were having trouble.   I told her at that point that I thought she had a 95% chance of getting an offer.

The principal called yesterday evening (on a Sunday, people) and offered her the job.  Of course, she accepted.  Then the principal said that she was so excited to have Mom and that as soon as she got off the phone she would call the rest of the hiring committee to tell them that Mom accepted.   They really wanted her.  The principal then went over stuff like orientation dates and inservice dates.  She starts August 4th but "can come by any time to set up [her] room!"   

When I spoke with her last night I asked how Dad was taking the news.  She said, "Lisa, honestly, I think we need an anchor for Daddy, he's so happy I'm afraid he will float away." 

This job pays $13,000 more than her last position.  Thirteen. Thousand. Dollars. Per. Year.  In addition, the school subsidizes the employees' insurance premiums, so Mom won't have to pay in excess of $900 a month for medical insurance.  This is such a huge deal for them.  For the first time, they won't have to worry about money.  They've been worried about money since before I was born.  My mom will only have to work one job, not three. 

This job is even better than the fake job offer she got in June.  This job kicks that job's ass.  So it's a good thing that didn't work out (although it could have gone down better).

Huzzah!

Boyfriends and Girlfriends

My brother is in the midst of his first real relationship.  Totally expected and normal, since he is almost 20.  Sadly the girl is a bitch and then some, and the whole family loathes her is ragging on her behind her back.  Normally we wouldn't be exposed to a new boyfriend/girlfriend so much, but Girlfriend lives in Michigan and is currently splitting her time between a friend's house in Dallas and my brother's bedroom.  Which my parents are allowing and I just don't get why, because they are prudes and B and the Girlfriend are most certainly not playing TiddlyWinks in his room.  With the door closed.  And locked. (Or ARE they playing TiddlyWinks in the wink, wink, nudge, nudge category?  Say no more!)

My current prediction is that they have reached a minimum of 9 on the snogging scale*.  To wit:

1) Arm around the shoulder
2) Holding hands
3) Good night kiss
4) Kiss lasting over 3 minutes without a breath
5) Open mouth kissing
6) Kissing with tongues
7) Upper body fondling (Outdoors)
8) Upper body fondling (Indoors or in bed)
9) Below Waist Activity (or B.W.A.)
10) "The Full Monty"

Normally I wouldn't give half a rat's ass about one of my siblings' flings (oh my god PLEASE let it be a fling!).  My sister C has a boyfriend/Spanish Lover (as she calls him).  They are very much in love, and I think they'll get married and live happily ever after.  I don't care, it's her life.  But the Girlfriend.... I don't know if it's just the time I am forced to spend with her or what, but she is a bitch of the highest order.  Every other sentence that comes out of her mouth is an insult. In one spectacular example Girlfriend was telling B that she hates French people, because her parents are British and she was raised that way. (????) Bad enough on it's face, but when you add in the fact that our French exchange student was sitting right there, it becomes that much worse.  Then when the student pointed out to the Girlfriend that she was French and, you know, sitting there, Girlfriend replied, "So?"  Biiiitttttccccchhhhhhh.

The most awesome part of this whole thing is that my mother keeps defending the Girlfriend.  My brother made a point of asking my mother to make the Girlfriend feel welcome, so my mother took that to mean that she should overlook all of this girl's social inadequacies so that she wouldn't hurt B's feelings.  So the Girlfriend will come off with some amazing insult directed at half the dinner table and everyone will get pissed off, then in a later discussion my mother would say (I shit you not), "Oh that poor girl.  She doesn't have very good social skills.  She just doesn't know what she's saying!" 

Apparently my mother never approved of the Girlfriend staying in my brother's room.  Instead of putting her foot down and asking her to leave, she whined to my father for about half an hour about it yesterday.  My mother can never ask anyone to do something directly.  She will dance around the issue, guilt trip you about it, and sigh heavily, but a direct request will never pass her lips.   It's incredibly annoying.  That's what she was doing with my dad yesterday:

M: I don't ever remember saying that Girlfriend could stay in B's room.

D: [silence]

M: I'm really uncomfortable with this situation.

D: [silence]

M: I'm just asking for your opinion on this issue.

D: I don't have an opinion.

M: [fretting because Dad's not picking up on her theme] You're not listening to me!

D: What do you want me to do?

M: Well I'm uncomfortable with this situation......

And on.  And on.  She can't just say to him, "D, I want you to ask the Girlfriend to leave or at least find another place for her to stay."  She can't do it.  I guess my dad's not as bothered by the situation becasue he doesn't see any need for things to change.

My brother is completely smitten and sees nothing wrong with anything the Girfriend does.  I think that is because he is gettiing perks (see #9 on the snogging scale above) and because he thinks he is a rebel and will go against the grain just to piss everybody off.

I can't wait for the return to Michigan.

*From the hilarious Georgia Nicholson series.  Available on Amazon, if you're so inclined.

Updates All Around

My mom didn't get the job.  Apparently the position the principal offered her is a widely reviled one, everyone hates the testing coordinator.  He didn't feel it would be right for her in her first year of teaching in the public schools.  OK.  Fine.  They why did you offer it to her in the first place, you dumbass?  He was trying to protect her while still giving her a job.  Sigh. 

She's OK with it now.  She is upset that he explained himself so poorly last week (she spent the whole weekend thinking something was wrong with her but that really wasn't the case).  However, there is a teacher that is thinking of staying home with her new baby next year.  Her subject? English, the same thing my mom's been teaching for the last 6 years.  She has been assured that if the job comes open, it's hers.   Hope springs eternal, as they say.

Now for my T-Tapp update for the week.  The Total Workout is kicking my ass.  I still like it though.  The thing about T-Tapp is that you can feel yourself getting stronger as you do the exercises.  It's kind of weird, you just have to experience it.  I'm pretty sore today.  I've joined a 6 week challenge group on the T-Tapp forums to keep me on track.  I took my measurments on Sunday, so next week's update will include inches lost.  I know you are all looking forward to it (not).

Honestly I'm feeling just a wee bit discouraged this week.  I started exercising in front of a mirror in a tank top (which I never wear because my arms - ugh) so now every time check my position I have this horrible inner monologue going in my head.  It's your standard self-defeating crap, "I'll never trim my arms, I hate the way my stomach sticks out, blah, blah blah selfhatecakes."  I hate the inner monologue.  I want the inner monologue to shut the hell up.  So then I have this good angel/bad angel thing going on.... it sucks. Now normally I would just ditch the mirror, but I need it to check my position (I certainly haven't been tucking my butt as hard as I can, and the mirror was how I figured this out), so the mirror stays. 

One of the fabulous services provided by the T-Tapp office is the "set point."  You provide them with information about your body measurements, and they tell you what your ideal size is.  I received my set point today and it is a size 6, size 4 if I have good diet and exercise habits. They also told me I'm a long torso body type, which really surprised me because I gain and lose weight like a combo.   I'm not surprised by the size, because I was a size 4/6 all through high school.   It just means I have to reframe my goals a little bit.  I had originally intended to shoot for a 6/8, but it's only one size difference, so I'm going to go for the gold, which means I will have to do another 10-14 day boot camp in a few weeks.

I scaled back my goals regarding last week's intended boot camp.  I need to build up some more strength before I can do a long boot camp with the Total Workout, so I have amended that part of my goals to alternating the Basic Workout Plus with the Total Workout every other day.  That way if I wake up late I can just do a Basic Workout and I won't have to feel bad about not meeting my goals.

I have absolutely sucked at my diet goals for the last week.  I've had soda several times and I ate out for lunch on Sunday and yesterday.  I may have to relax the eating out rule for playgroup days because we often meet in a mall for an activity and then have lunch.  There aren't a ton of places to take small kids when it's 95+ degrees outside.  We're pretty much stuck with malls.  I hate malls.

Just keep Tappin', just keep Tappin'.....

Good News/Bad News

The good news is that we went to the Moosh's three year check-up on Wednesday and the doctor proclaimed him "healthy and bright."   The Moosh has a slight speech delay that I've been worried about, but the doctor felt that it was because he is from a multilingual household and that it is completely normal.  Color me relieved.  He is 39 1/4 inches tall (80th percentile) and weighs 38.6 lbs (92nd percentile).

I'm so glad we found such a great doctor's office.  They make it fun for the kids and are never forceful.  The doctor is also very respectful of our selective vaccination program - he didn't bat an eyelash when I told him we were skipping the Hepatitis A vaccine, and that we had skipped the chicken pox vaccine when the Moosh was a year old.  I'm really sorry I didn't know about their practice when the Moosh was a baby.  I only discovered them when they opened a secondary office around the corner from us last year.  Their primary office is in the city just north of us (about 10 minutes away) and we could have been using them all along.  Darn.

The bad news is actually about my mom.  My mother has been working at a private school teaching middle school English for the last six years.  Before that she was a preschool teacher (for 17 years).  She started working at the private school so that she could get her teaching certificate and move into the public school system.  In 2004 she finished a master's degree in teaching and got her teaching certificate.  This spring she decided that she would not renew her contract with the private school and began searching for a job.

She's been to several interviews now and received a job offer on Wednesday for a middle school gifted and talented program teacher/testing coordinator.   Of course we were overjoyed and the celebrations ensued.  On Friday she went to the school (thinking she was going in for routine hiring paperwork) and was given a test on teaching methods in the public schools, which she aced.  Apparently after the principal reviewed her test with her he told her that he was having severe doubts about hiring her for that position because she doesn't have previous testing and diagnostic experience and she would have to train extensively for the job.  He was also afraid that the other teachers in the school wouldn't accept or respect her. Then he said he needed to think about whether or not he was going to hire her over the weekend.

She came home devastated and crying.  We are all pretty pissed at the principal, mainly for his unprofessional behavior.  Now we are on pins and needles all weekend while he decides whether or not she's going to get the job. 

Argh.  So frustrating.  Please keep your fingers crossed for us over the weekend and on Monday. 

Scrubs

The good news first.  My dad does NOT have cancer.  It turns out that some of the doctors were mistaken or uninformed.  Let me clarify.

First the cast of characters.  We had a gastro surgeon, a thoracic surgeon, a critical care doctor, an internist, an oncologist, and a pathologist consulting on Dad's case.  It was like we were starring on an episode of Scrubs, including the wacky comedy and screw-ups on every level.

Wednesday

The gastro surgeon performs the surgery and informs us that the tumor is cancerous due to the size.  He says that final pathology would come through on it for a couple of weeks, but that we would have to consult with an oncologist.

The thoracic surgeon visits Dad in the ICU and tells my mom that there is no cancer and we should all be very relieved.

Thursday

The oncologist visits Dad in the ICU.  Informs him that he has cancer, but we shouldn't worry becuase it is treatable and non-agressive.

The internist visits Dad in the ICU. Informs him that the jury is still out on whether he has cancer or not.

Friday

The critical care doctor visits Dad in his regular room (he had transferred out of the ICU the previous evening), and says that he thinks Dad will make a full recovery.  When asked about cancer, he looks confused.  When told that we have already spoken to the oncologist he says, "Who called her?"

The internist comes to say that final pathology will be back on Saturday, but the preliminary results look good.

The oncologist comes by to check up on him and discuss treatment options.  My mother tells her to talk to the critical care doctor because she is getting tired of all the "good news."

Saturday

The pathologist comes through with the real good news: NO CANCER!!!!

We were not angry with the doctors per se.  We all just felt that there was a severe case of the right hand not knowing what the left hand was doing.  None of the doctors were talking to each other and it was starting to get really annoying.  But it's over now.  We're in the end game.

Dad looks so much better.  He is out of bed and walking.  As soon as he can take soft foods and liquids by mouth, he will be able to come home.  He is in good spirits and is looking forward to going back to work.

Thanks for all of the kind words and support.  I really appreciate it.  You have no idea.

Further Dad Update

Well the surgery was yesterday.  I was there when the surgeon came out and he said that the surgery went fine but that the tumor was far bigger than they originally thought.   He indicated a tumor the size of a large grapefruit with his hands.  Their original estimate was the size of a lemon, so that was pretty shocking for us. 

My mom said that they had an oncologist come in today and she says that it is cancer.  The oncologist said that this is the treatable non-agressive form of stomach cancer and that we shouldn't worry but that he would have to have some treatments to make sure it didn't come back.

For some reason the cancer diagnosis has really hit me hard.  My grandfather died of lung cancer four days before the Moosh was born.  It was horrible.  Even though everyone has been really reassuring I'm scared out of my mind right now. 

Thanks for all the kind messages - it helps to have someone to talk to besides the family who are all equally upset.

Dad Update

Here's a quick update on my dad.  He's doing much better, but will have surgery to remove the tumor tomorrow.  He is religious, so if you would like to pray for him and my family I know they would appreciate it.  It's been a hard couple of days - the doctors suggested that he go ahead and get a will in place "just in case" since he didn't have one.  He and my mom both did their wills yesterday.  He also had to sign all the informed consent papework and you know how sun-shiney those are.  It's hard to face your own mortality and my mother is not dealing well with the slight prospect that he could die.  I am handling it in my normal way - complete and utter denial.  I will probably have a breakdown next week when it is all over.

Thanks to Jody, Cara, and Moxie for your support.  I really appreciate your kind words.

Happy New Year?

What an end to 2005... my father is in the hospital on a emergency admission awaiting major surgery and I'm having the worst day at work.  Of course, I really don't want to be here, I'd rather be with the family in their (and my) time of need, but I want to take off when the surgery happens, because we all know I'd never be able to work that day.

Here is the short version of Dad's situation: he was feeling bad over Christmas but thought he was just getting over the flu from the previous week.  On Thursday he went to Minor Emergency because he was having heart palpatations.  They did some blood tests and found he was anemic, so they sent him to the hospital for futher testing.  He was admitted that day with a suspected bleeding stomach ulcer.  When they did the upper GI scope on Friday, they found that he did indeed have an ulcer - on a lemon sized tumor in his stomach at the mouth of the esophagus.  He is still in ICU, but they will be moving him to a regular room since the bleeding has stopped until the surgery, which should be on Tuesday or Wednesday.  A CAT scan revealed no further tumors, so it is assumed that the tumor is benign.   Beyond that, nobody has a clue. 

So please keep us in your thoughts over this holiday weekend.  We are all feeling sandbagged and crazy. 

Happy New Year to all!

The Return Of C

Well, my sister C is coming home tomorrow from her three-year stint in Australia.  She's not exactly sure if she'll be living with me or with the family, because she wants to find a job before she makes that decision.

I'm sad because she didn't get to leave on her own terms. She ran out of money, was dissatisfied with her major at university, and hated her job prospects in her field.  However, I am wildly happy to have her home for an extended period of time and I can't wait for her to really get to know the Moosh.

AN and the Moosh are picking her up at the airport tomorrow afternoon.  She's supposed to stop by work so that I can give her a hug.  Honestly, if I were her, there's no way I'd set foot in my parents' house right now since four of them have the stomach flu. 

I can't wait for the five siblings to be back together again.  I'm happy to have my sister home.

Here are some random pictures from last year at Christmas.  I don't have a picture of all five of us together (dammit!).

Me

My sister AN

C, the returnee

Brother B

AM