Sorry for the long absence, but things have been nutty, as in N-U-T-T-Y at work for the last few weeks. I am at home now (day off) and I feel free to write this post, because it is about work and I didn't want to write it at work. Although it's not like you know where I work or anything, but it makes me feel better. Also I wanted to give the impression that when I am at work I am WORKING instead of blogging. Silly me.
I do not take criticism well. Like, at all. R learned this early on, when he once walked in the kitchen while I was hand washing dishes and pointed out some lingering soap suds on one of the rinsed dishes and hinted that I should, you know, wash it off. A greek tragedy ensued, with the wailing and the rending of the garments. I officially changed my name to Hysteria and my chorus followed me out of the kitchen marking my lament to the ages. How dare he point out my flaws. How dare he!
I have a deep and abiding need to be perceived as perfect (or at least doing and acceptable job) without actually putting in all the work to acheive perfection. I am the mistress of cut corners and top skimming. It's not that I don't do my job, I do, and I do it pretty well. However, I don't see the need to follow the directions exactly as they are put to me. I have to subvert, while still being perceived to be perfect. I don't know where this comes from but I do wish that I could stop, because I'm not doing myself any favors.
The fact remains, though that I am doing a fairly good job. My superiors have been more than happy with me for many years now. However, things, they are changing, and I'm not the kind of girl that takes change well. The managment is looking for more ways to hold us accountable for our work. They have started calculating statistics on our job performance and are using this to determine if things are going well or not. The managers are pushing the supervisory technicians on our teams to be more accountable for our jobs, so we have 2-3 people looking over our work and correcting it on a daily basis. For a department that handles as much work as we do, this amounts to a lot of niggling things being pointed out, and a lot of people getting huffy over the new regulations and the micromanaging.
Our workload varies with the weather, and the spring and summer tend to be far busier than the fall and winter months. Two weeks ago, when we were having storms go through part of the country, I got in a tiff with one of the supervisory techs because she said I wasn't working fast enough. This brought out my soul sister Hysteria and I pissed and moaned about it (how dare she imply that I was anything less that perfect? How dare she?) for several days, until my mid-year review with the manager. Turns out those statistics they've been calculating are pretty darn important to him (and his boss, and his boss's boss...) and mine are, well, less than stellar. When I pointed out that I'd been working there for years and they'd been fat and happy with my performance until the dawn of these statistics, he shrugged and indicated that I should suck it up and modify my performance to their new standards. Hysteria seethed and has been seething since. But since Hysteria needs to keep her job, she modified her standards and started working harder to meet the timeframes.
And what did this get me? Complaints from the people that our department serves, saying that I wasn't keeping up with all their needs. Since those complaints are taken very seriously within the department and directly impact our performance reviews, I am really upset by them. Before the statistics snafu, I had two of those complaints. Two in four years. I've had three in the last three weeks.
I am at a loss. I honestly don't know what more I can do to meet all these demands especially during storm and heat season. We are all really fucking busy. It's not like I've been slacking off, in fact I've been working harder than ever! But people can only do so much, and it looks like my hull is being breached.
Why? Why? Whyeeeeeeeee? This is the last fucking thing I need, people. I can't take all the drama right now. I need a refuge. Dammit.